How a Terminally Ill Person Perceives Music
Amidst the limitations of time and space
I initially met my friend Simon at a conference for synesthetic artists back in 2022. I recently learned of his terminal illness and was providing consult to him as an end of life doula. I am also a musician, and I had just released an exploratory music composition about death. I had never played the music for someone actively dying. Simon kindly offered his reflections on the music from the perspective of a dying person.
This eerie and evocative music composition paints an underwater world of sea witches and kelp forests, blending woodwinds, strings, handmade percussion, and voice to create an immersive musical experience. Themes of life, death, and transformation are at the heart of this haunting work.
I received many wonderful reviews of this album from music journals but none compare to this reflection written by Simon whose senses are heightened by his terminal diagnosis and the limitations of time and space.
What strikes me about Simon’s reactions to the music is how it jolts us from the mundane to the ecstatic, from the mystical to the extraordinary then back again. For me, Simon’s reflections are a glimpse at the emotional maze one faces as the days, hours and breaths grow shorter. Shared with permission.
“This music is where I’m at now. Despair and hope, dancing around each other like a DNA structured serpent.
Can I let the serpent out? To rinse out all the suburbs of the brain, let it not be in vain.
No, a sweet sour taste... pauses my soul and I have a look.
A sneak peek, a “snevriew” into the unknown that which isn't unknown.
My ancestors accompany me. The river Styx isn't far away. A serpent is lurking in there. The serpent says “Hi”.
It is such a treat to go out like a dancing clown, dancing on the murky waters, but one doesn't mind. That serpent is near and there is nothing more to be had. Smoothly and steadily we are pacing, getting nearer and nearer, but still have to cross the river Styx.
It is like that last party at school or work. You are trying to have a wonderful time and it is getting late. You know you will have to get up early the next morning. While asleep you have the wildest dreams, roaming, hiking beautifulest mountain ridges.
Silence.
You are awakened by your clock radio, a bloke waffling away, it is cold.
It is so sobering now.
But you know it is your time. Time has come. Time to go... to there... where there is no time.
And there you go, going so far away, though not stolen from our hearts.
It was your time. Time is now. We ARE time!”
-Simon Van Wees
LAMINARIA was unleashed into the world this past Halloween on Composers Concordance records and distributed internationally by NAXOS Classical Music Library. It’s an original 45 minute folk horror chamber music suite written for 10 piece orchestra. LAMINARIA is the Latin word for Kelp. It is a plant used medicinally to induce both labor or abortion and is a gateway between the worlds of life and death.
You can listen to it on all streaming platforms including Spotify and Apple Music.
There are special limited edition candles handcrafted by an artist named WaterBruja. These candles come with a digital download of the album files and artwork and are available for purchase on my Bandcamp Page:
Photo Credit: Alice Teeple